Forgiveness is not an emotion, it's a decision.

Forgiveness is not an emotion, it's a decision. Randall Worley

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. Paul Boese

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. Lewis B. Smedes

Without forgiveness life is governed by... an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation. Roberto Assagioli


This sermon is a little hard to summarize but I will do my best... The pastor started out the sermon with an illustration. He had a park bench sitting on the stage and told us the following story...
There was this guy walking a rather large dog on a leash to a convenience store one day. My image of the dog was that of a mastiff based on the pastor's description...anyway...this man tied his dog up to this park bench (which was anchored in the cement) and went inside for something to drink. The dog was doing fine until something startled it and it starting pulling on the bench. Within a few seconds the large dog rips the bench out of the cement and is now pulling running across the parking lot toward a busy street with the bench attached to its leash. The dog gets to the street and almost head butts a car but stops just before but the bench keeps moving on around and hits the car. This startles the dog and he takes off running again but stopping again before hitting another car but as before the bench keeps on traveling and hits the second car. At that moment the store owner and the dog's master come out and the master calls for his dog who calms down at the voice of his master. The dog retreats to his master and is unleashed from the bench and the store owner tosses this now mangled piece of bench in the dumpster. The bench in this illustration is our hurt feelings and bitterness for something that has happened in our lives that we are dragging around with us and it is destroying things around us. We have to be unleashed by our Master and the power of forgiveness. We have to quit letting the bench or the people who occupy the bench control us. "Who is on your bench?" Who do you hold resentment or bitterness toward that has hurt you but that you need to forgive? Forgiveness is not for the person who hurt you but for you. A biblical reference to this same type of story comes in Matthew 18:21-25

21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"

22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

23"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. 25Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

26"The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' 27The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

28"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.

29"His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'

30"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.

32"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' 34In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

35"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."

How many of us have fallen on our knees to be forgiven by God? How many times has he forgiven us? In this story we are a lot like the servant who receives forgiveness but does not offer forgiveness in return. God is like the King in the story who cancels all of the debt and sets us free. Some wallow in their hurt. The pastor outlined the barriers that get in the way of unleashing forgiveness in our lives.

1. Self-deception = "I am OK", "It wasn't that bad", "I wasn't affected that much" or the "that was then this is now" speeches

2. Self-defense = "I will get them back" or revenge type speeches but we need to believe that God will handle justice better than we ever could.

3. Self Image = up on our high horse...we see absolutely no blame in the situation when it might have been partially our fault.

4. Self protection = avoid contact with the person who hurt you, Hard to utter the words "I was wrong to be so bitter, I forgive you"

Ignoring the problem and continuing to hold on to the bitterness and resentment will keep you leashed to that bench forever. "Be Still" the Master will call your name and help you through this if you just forgive.

Colossians 3:13

13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

The pastor ended his sermon on a personal note and shared a little bit of his background and a path of forgiveness he had to take.
While sitting on the bench on stage he shared this:
As a boy he was in presence of a father who showed any displeasure by hitting or slapping you. He once hit the pastor down a flight of 20 steps into the basement and another time knocked him unconscious. When his mother married his dad she had already had a daughter who was 7 at the time. When the pastor's sister turned 12-13 his dad began raping her to the point she was sent to the hospital with bleeding. This was back a few years when things like this were not discussed. At age 16 he went to his father's auto body shop to find out why his dad was working late and discovered his dad's office door closed. When it was finally opened, his mom's sister emerged followed by his father. The pastor talked about how much he hated his father at that moment and forever. He said 20 years later when he was into his ministry he got the call that his father was not doing well and that he need to come to the hospital...is knee jerk reaction was to say...just call me when he is dead. Then the Holy Spirit laid on his heart that he preached about forgiveness...now was his time to let his dad know he forgave him. So off he went to the hospital. He got there but his dad never regained consciousness. He felt let down by the Holy Spirit...he had drove to let his dad know that he forgave him and he didn't get a chance. He said the Holy Spirit spoke to him again and said it is not important to tell him but to know in your heart that you forgave him was what was important. It doesn't minimize what happened or make you love him but it set you free, you aren't dragging him around anymore.

On a personal note: This sermon hit home to me...I too had held on the bitterness for years...I used to wish someone else was my dad. I never claimed him as my dad...I resented him for years for never wanting a relationship with us. When he got sick...it made me realize I could forgive him and I had that chance to make peace with him. It was a lot of years wasted hating him and holding on to bitterness...it was eating away at me and I didn't even know it. If I had said to my dad "I forgive you" he would have said for what? I needed to forgive him for me...so I could move on and feel free.

Sorry so long...I tried to summarize but sometimes it is just too hard.

This video and song I thought were a good ending to this blog.