Christmas....

So it is almost here and maybe, just maybe, Santa got a little carried away this year. I told myself a dozen times that Santa doesn't make what grandpa Santa makes but I didn't let that stop me. I blame it all on Amazon. I am addicted. There are probably support groups for people like me who find Amazon...start shopping....and can't stop. And the worst part or the best part (depending on who you are) they gave me this FREE credit card. It is so easy to spend on a credit card the first time...before you get the bill. Did I mention that Wayne is working 30 hours of overtime this week and almost 40 next. He hasn't said it is to bail me out of this debt hole that I created but I know that is what he is thinking. All of that to say...it is going to be a great Christmas in every sense of the worldly view of Christmas. Lots and Lots of presents. I did figure out why parents tell their children about Santa not being real. The other day I spent a good hour convincing Sam that he would get more from Santa than the 2 things that he put on his list. He was sure that Santa wouldn't know what he liked and because his list was so short, he would only get those ideas and he was devestated. It was at this point that I felt like yelling...I AM SANTA...I KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE....YOU WILL GET MORE THAN 2 THINGS...AND YOU WILL HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS!...but I didn't. So as this wonderful season comes and soon passes...I have nothing to reflect on except the future of bills and disconnected utilities....hopefully SANTA bought him a flashlight. We are going to be starting a new tradition this year...Christmas at Mom's. Well...maybe I shouldn't set it in stone as a tradition until we see how this year goes. I know we are all excited. I am more so this year because Samuel seems to be really excited. In order to keep this short, I will say...Merry Christmas and will post next week some pictures.

Running behind...

I seem to be running behind on the whole Christmas season. I haven't sent out cards with our nice picture on it nor have I decorated one thing in my entire house. Don't think that our house has not been decorated, it has, by my husband. He hung Christmas lights around the house, put up the Christmas tree and decorated it better than I have (don't tell him that), and he put out christmas"y" stuff on shelves and anywhere he can find to put things. It is beginning to look like Christmas around here. I have a good excuse this time for not helping, I have been sick. Sure he has been sick too but not AS sick as me. I have managed to do all of our Christmas shopping. I was a bit lazy about it too...I bought everything online. How did I ever shop before?!?! They make it so easy now..."Free shipping", door to door service and I get the satisfaction of getting to open each box like it is Christmas for me. The UPS guy makes a stop at our house about twice a day because Amazon ships almost everything in it's own box because each thing comes from different manufacturers. I get excited to see what we are going to get each day. I want everyone to know that I have enjoyed reading each of your blogs and watching every get excited about Christmas that I decided to join in on the fun of letting you pick what could have been a really great Christmas card. The idea of letting you all decide came to me one night as I was sleeping and thought...I know I will let you all pick between a couple of pictures. I noticed that on a few other blogs that they had the same dream as me so if they say I stole the idea well...it's true. I tried to find photos that showed how our family is on a daily basis and not for a simple photo shoot.

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2 Weeks and no post...

Well it has been awhile since my last post and it seems that a lot has happened. I would like to say that I was so busy that I didn't have time to blog, but not true. I have been putting it off for fear no one would read. My life at this particular time is not one full of a lot of jokes and I don't want people to feel sorry for me. But today I decided...too bad. This is what is going on, read if you want.
I have been thinking a lot lately about tomorrows. I say this because my dad is a person who lives for tomorrow. Tomorrow he will get out of the one bedroom apartment that he has been living in for over 18 years and buy a house, Tomorrow he will spend more time with his family, Tomorrow he will spend his money on more than just himself, Tomorrow he will make his life right with God, Tomorrow he will live like it is his last. Well...as his tomorrows quickly fade I wonder what he is thinking. Is he thinking...if only I had a little more time, more tomorrows. Would it change anything? Would he change? Everytime I talk to him he gets teary eyed and sometimes cries, not something he ever did until he realized his tomorrows were limited. I wonder is he regretting things or is he just sad for himself. So I ponder over and over in my mind...am I living for today or am I looking at tomorrow to fix the problems in my life. Just something to think about.

In the midst of all that is going on with my dad, Wayne and I and the kids made our annual trip to Florida. We went on the coldest week of the year. It was so windy and cold that we spent most of the time inside. We did get to see the grandparents and enjoy watching them interact with our kids. With my above topic about tomorrows it makes all the times that they get to spend with my grandparents even more special for me. I loved watching as Josh and Grandma took off on her scooter when we first got there and Grandpa and Sam (best boys) taking off on grandpa's scooter. We didn't even get hugs...they just were in heaven getting to spend time with their grandkids. After that we spent ninety percent of our time with grandparents and really had a good time. We were planning our next trip before we left. We also got to visit with my brother and his family. The kids played with each other like they see each other every day. No fighting. It was amazing. I also was introduced to the stockpile (or inhouse grocery store) that my brother's wife has from all of her couponing. It is very impressive and inspiring. It made me want to come home and start shopping for freebies.

After a very long trip (don't stay at Days Inn EVER), and hours and hours of driving. We made it home and quickly fell back into our lives. This first week back has been a bit of a blur. I did make it out one day shopping with Sarah and spent a few dollars on myself (which always makes me feel better), and I shopped and shopped online for Christmas. I think I am completely done with buying for the kids. I just have a few more people on my list to buy for.

Yesterday, I got up and didn't feel like going to church so Wayne got the kids ready and was getting ready to fix breakfast when I decided...I wasn't THAT sick. I am always afraid I am going to miss something if I don't go, so I got ready and went. I am so glad that I did. This is the start of our revival at church with Evangelist Bond. He is so good. I like any pastor who can back up everything they say with scripture. Not just reading it but showing where to find it. He spoke about holiness and sanctification, things that are not talked about too much and more in holiness churches. I had the opportunity to explain what I thought santification meant while I was at the ladies retreat last month and hearing him explain it again yesterday made me feel better that the explanation that I gave was accurate. Backing up my belief that God will change you as you grow in your faith. You won't always be wanting to do the things that may not be pleasing to God if you have made the commitment. That we become children of God so we will start to model what our Father does. I know that almost every boy or girl has wanted at sometime to make their daddy proud. If we viewed our relationship with God in that same light we would go out of our way to show God that we are his children and that he has a lot to be proud of. He spoke about the guilt of your past will not haunt you because God is not a God of guilt. If you give into guilty thoughts it is Satan working on you and tempting you and harassing you not God. It was a powerful and insightful thought that I had not really heard before. I love learning new things. So my weeks have ended on a good note. I feel more at peace about what I need to do in my life today...not tomorrow.

OH...one more thing... I got the family pictures taken yesterday... here is my favorite.

And life goes on...

It is weird to me how everyone else's life seems to be moving along when mine seems to have slowed way down and everything takes on a whole new meaning. As mentioned in many of my other blog entries, my dad has terminal cancer. We were told on September 1st that the cancer from 2 years ago that he had in his lung (which they said they got it all) had re-occured in his brain and liver. At the time the doctors told him he would have a good 2 years to enjoy his family and even though that didn't seem like long, it was a lifetime when you consider the type of cancer. Well...the 2 years has turned into 2-6 months because the radiation that they did on his brain cancer didn't really shrink the tumors that much and his brain can not handle anymore radiation unless it was very direct doses on the tumors. This was the option that was offered to him this past weekend as he lay in Riverside but with the warning that EVEN IF they did the radiation it might not help and if it did help, it would not increase his life span significantly. The only help that he could get from this type of radiation would be that the seizures that he had for over 2 days could subside, but no guarantee. And the chemo that he was having for his liver was not going to increase his life span either...so the decision was made. No more treatments. Not a decision by us his family but by him. Not an easy decision to make or one that anyone would want to make. Is it really considered giving up? I personally didn't want to him to have any more treatments because they wore him out and knocked his white blood cells so low that he could die from a common cold. So I can hope and pray that the little bit of time he has he can build back up his energy and with the right cocktail of drugs he can be as comfortable he can be and maybe he can enjoy the little amount of time he has left with his grandkids and family. Someone asked me if he was a Christian tonight. Our pastor came down to the hospital and prayed with my dad and asked him if he was right with God and my dad said that he was ready and at peace. So if you ask me today I have to say "yes". I told that person that maybe God has a bigger book than me. By my standards he isn't ready but who am I to step in between a relationship between God and my dad. Maybe God has a smaller book...one with less rules and more grace than any of us can wrap our minds around. MAYBE...just MAYBE. I want to thank everyone for their prayers during this time and for times to come. It is a rough road and seemingly narrow road that we must walk sometimes but with our eyes on the cross we will never get lost. Thank you Jesus for opening my eyes and letting me see you even in the darkest times and giving me the strengh I have needed to be there for my dad.

"How Long?"

"How Long?" seems like a fitting title for this blog. It has been the theme of the weekend. Starting on Thursday we have been asking "How Long?" How Long will my dad be having a seizure? How long will it take for them to get it to stop? How long will it take for us to get him to Riverside? How long will it take for the doctors to tell us what is going on? How long will be he be in the hospital? How long will he need to continue with chemo and radiation if the cancer is uncureable? and today...How long will he live?
That one is the toughest for the doctors to tell us. It seems they have this well oiled way of skirting around that question. Is it a couple of months, a month, a week, or a day. So we wait. Tomorrow I have decided will only bring more questions...if he has surgery, will it help, will it kill him or will he become a vegatable? If he opts to have radiation instead of surgery, will it be worth it and is it safe with everything else going on to operate on a man who has diabetes and liver cancer. And there is NO guarantee....that is the only guarantee from the doctors. So what to do. Accept it...OF course and PRAY. Pray that he has peace about what is happening to him and Pray that his family has the strength to face this and be there for him any way we can.

BRAVO AGAIN!

My report...I am cancer free. I still have to do a followup mammogram in 6 months so don't quit praying.
Side note: I finally got my favorite song to uploaded on here....I hope you enjoy it.

BRAVO GOD!!!

I can't even begin to explain the weekend that I just had. This is going to be a long entry.

It was probably the most amazing thing spiritually that has happened to me since I was in jr. high church camp. I went on the Ladies' retreat for our church over in Sugarcreek Ohio this weekend and it was such wonderful experience. I have to admit that for me personally I was thinking...how fun can amish country be? When I signed up I worried that I had made a mistake and I was constantly telling people that I was going to get away from the kids for a weekend...not spiritual growth. While I did get a weekend away and I missed my kids, I found something so much more. Knowledge. Friendships. More Compassion. More of God and mostly and more importantly...I found more of me. We had an absolutely wonderful speaker, Kelli Reisen that had a contagious love for God that you saw and wanted to have, she had a contagious understanding and she stood in total amazement at the love and grace of God that made you want to search and learn more and want what she had. She discussed knowing what you believe so that you can pass it on to your kids. How appropriate considering my recent conversation with Sam, see last entry on blog. She said it is like running in a relay race not a marathon....passing on the baton from generation to generation. She used 1 Peter 3:15-16 to start out the weekend.
15 But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, 16 keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.

She continued that in order to know him you need understand His characteristics:

1. God is Love (John 3:16)
2. God is slow to anger, he is patient, forgiving and just (Exodus 34:5-7)
3. God is without sin and is faithful to fulfill what He has promised (Numbers 23:19)
4. God is compassionate and merciful (James 5:11)
5. God is powerful (Exodus 15:3-8 and Revelations 19:11-15)
6. God is our creator (Genesis 2:7)
7. God is Jealous (Exodus 20:4-5)
8. God is Sovereign (Isaiah 25:8)
9. God is Rightous (Psalms 11:7)
10. GOD IS HOLY (Leviticus 11:44a I am the Lord, your God; consecrate yourselves and be holy, because I am holy.)

Who are we that he would love just mere people? He created us so that he could be friends with us, worship with us and glory in what he has created for us. What a disappointment we became to him that he felt he needed to give his OWN son to die on the cross for our sins. WOW. That he would stand by while His Son was spit on, beaten and then nailed to a cross while the people that he loved so much looked at him as a fraud. How he must feel to know that we still treat him the same way. How he must feel to know that we have compromised what we have been taught for the things of the world so as to not offend the world. We have blended in so well lately that it seems that you can't tell the Christians from the non-Christians. I am not talking outward appearance but inner convictions. He says you can come to him "just as you are" BUT that doesn't mean he wants you to stay that way...he wants to mold you and make you into a great witness for what He can do. He hasn't ever required you to do anything but to believe in Him and trust in Him, he will clean you up if he wants.
What struck me this weekend was her mentioning following God in the shadow of the cross. It got me thinking about the visual of that...if a cross is in direct sunlight (our struggles) the path becomes even more narrow but if we hold fast on the path it isn't long until the sun starts to set and the path once again becomes clearer. It is at the time where we can't see through the brightest sun that if we keep our eye on the cross it will keep us from losing tract of the path that God has for each of us. AND THINK OF THE REWARD! The reason for the title of this blog is she told us of a story of driving her car with her kids and noticing this beautiful tree and shouting out "BRAVO GOD!" If he can make what we have here on earth...heaven must be as awesome as he described in Revelations 21.

We not only had a great speaker but pure bonding with women...stepping out of our own comfort zone and letting other know us and letting them tell us about them. We stayed up talking and sharing experiences and making friendships and creating a strong group of women with the same purpose...to glorify God and share our beliefs with others about Christ.

On a personal note...I would like to thank each of the 48 women who prayed over me for healing and strength during this time of waiting to find out if my biopsy will show cancer or not. I shared with Sarah and a few of the women that I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes as Kelli spoke of her waiting to find out the same thing. She said that her kids had been riding in the car with her when she received a call from the doctor for an appointment to get the results and her son reached up and touched her hair and said, "Don't do the treatment...you will lose your beautiful hair" I realized for the first time that this could be a possibility for me. So as I sat there crying quietly, one of the ladies who knew what I was going through simply whispered to me..."are you Ok?" I didn't have to speak, my tears did the talking for me. It wasn't long that she asked that they all pray around me for healing and comfort. By this time I was over heating and felt like if all of these women huddle around me, I may pass out. As they began huddling around me and laying their hands on me and the praying began, I had this peace wash over me...and I was not hot anymore...in fact I felt almost instantly cold. It could have only meant one thing to me...God was hearing them as they prayed on my behalf. I have no doubt, that his plan for me will be carried out no matter what the results of the test tomorrow may be. Thank you again ladies for showing compassion and concern and being my prayer warriors when I couldn't say the prayer for myself.
And I didn't get to say it but thank you to the whole committee of women who put this together especially Ann Deckard (ha ha).

I must be doing something right....

So tonight was interesting....
I was driving to Columbus tonight to have dinner with my mom (This experience I will save for another post), Samuel and I had a really good conversation. He was looking up in the sky and saw the moon and said, "That moon reminds me of great-great grammy" Now if you have read my other posts you will know that he has been greiving her death for 3 years TODAY...(yikes I just realized it is the anniversary of her death, which makes his statement even more shocking). I was taken back by his statement...but what he said next..."Mom, how do I know I will get to Heaven to see grammy?" Wow...what a question. I told him that he needed to ask God in his heart and that he needed to live a good life and go to church and I was rambling on and on...I said we need to continue listening and praising God through the songs that we were listening too...for instance I said..Evermore I will trust him...evermore I will love him....(part of the song at the time)...I heard him in the back seat quietly say "Dear God, evermore I will trust you, evermore I will love you" and then he said "Is that it?" I said you have to ask God to take away your sin and to come in your heart. So he added that to the end of his prayer and then said "Amen". WOW this kid amazes me. So then he asked a question that I have asked for 30 years..."How do I REALLY know that I am going to Heaven?" Explaining the other parts of this seemed so simple but when it comes to the faith part...I have a harder time. I think I did my best. So then he said..."You know...tomorrow I have Safety city again at school..." That innocent childhood faith, making it so simple and to the point and then moving on.
I thought that the conversation was over but on the way home he must have been thinking...he said....Mom...has Kaitlyn (his cousin) ever prayed that prayer to Jesus...will she be going to Heaven with me? Then he said "You know...if she does then she will get to Heaven before me because she is older" I had to laugh. The whole ride home was filled with singing...him telling me not to sing certain parts because they were the guys parts and that I was girl and I was to only sing the girls part. He did say that he was going to share his new found faith tomorrow at school with his teacher so I can't wait until parent-teacher conference next week so she can fill me in. Below is my sweet Samuel looking up to his God!

Tip...

So my topic for tonight will not be as controversial or as serious as the past few. But I am wanting to know what you think...
This weekend we went to Red Lobster with my family and as we have said in the past...when you take my mom...expect bad service, cold food or something wrong with your food. So this time we were blessed with somewhat bad food but mostly bad service. It all started early in the service when I said to the waitress when she asked for our drink order... I said..."First...we are going to need more napkins and then I will take a Diet and my kids will take Shirley T's" But before you go thinking I serve my kids some alcoholic beverage you should know that they have this really cool drink (with free refills) that a Shirley T is sprite and cherry syrup. So the drinks came...no napkins. If you have kids you know why I asked for napkins because as soon as you don't one of your "angels" will spill one of the drinks or something will need wiped up. So I asked again. Now in my mind I am thinking she probably just forgot the first time because we had 12 people in our group. So off she went to get our salads or rolls or something...maybe she was on a smoke break...who knows. Anyway when she came back...no napkins. This time...I said..."I REALLY need those napkins". I raise my tone a bit...and off she went. We didn't see her or our food for some time...and when she brought it...NO NAPKINS. This time I said...."I want those napkins that I asked for earlier!" This time she brought them but it was after we had eaten most of our food and we were all waiting on Wayne to finish his 12th order of the all you can eat shrimp scampi. (this eating habit will be discussed in a later post) So the tip I would have given her was more like...find a new job....don't leave home without an umbrella or don't dance naked in glass houses. She did get a tip (5%) but think of the tip she would have gotten had she just brought me my napkins.
Besides this annoying experience at Red Lobster, I really enjoyed having my brother here from Florida. It seems like only a month since I saw him last (actually it was). We spent some time at my dads and a majority of the time at grandpa and grandma's. You can tell that the grandparents had a little bit of an overload because they took off for Florida this morning. I also want to thank my family for showing up to see me sing in the church choir...it meant a lot to me. Also I want to say a special thanks to Kristena for sparking my interest in the world of couponing. I can't wait to get started. You should know though that our family is not very good at finishing things...we have all started diets...but you can't tell.

My Job or someone else's

Where is the line? Where is the line between being critical of someone and pointing out things that everyone has been thinking and not saying so that the person can better themselves? I struggle with this line. For instance, do you tell someone late in the day that they have a pair of underwear sticking out of the bottom of their pant leg when it is obvious that they have had them stuck there all day and it didn't seem to be something that anyone else has decided to share with them or do you let them discover them later. I always tell Wayne that a true friend will tell me if I am doing something wrong or wearing something inappropriate or I have something stuck somewhere it is not supposed to be. A true friend will tell you that you have a pepper grain as big as your front tooth sticking between your teeth or that your zipper has found its way down or that when you bend over everyone can see what kind of underwear you are wearing or they can see the tattoo that you have been hiding from everyone. That is a true friend. I guess the line that I struggle with is the one of more personal issues...like here is a good example. My husband...he stands a bit close to people when he talks...you know the 3 foot rule. Well my dear sweet husband feels the need, along with his whole family, to stand so that you feel like any minute they are going to hug you or kiss you. You try to back away but they inch closer...SO annoying. I have mentioned to him that it is annoying and he gets mad that I am being critical. Another thing....he talks alot... Anyone who has met him knows this...I think he knows it...but when I point it out...I am being mean. Now I know that everyone talks about it to other people but no one tells him...I feel like if I tell him I will save him from being ridiculed by his peers. Now don't feel like you have just stepped into a fight between him and I, we are not fighting about this and I have told him what I am blogging about...I was just wondering what everyone else was thinking about this line. So that is it for now...a little thing I have been questioning as I strive to be a better wife and a better friend...BY the way...if it is the job of a friend to tell you those things then WATCH OUT...I have a few friends that I have been wanting to be critic...I mean help out.

Looking ahead...

Tonight I decided to go watch a band that I used to go every weekend and hear play at the local bars. So as I stepped into the bar tonight I went in with a different purpose than before. This time I wasn't there to party but I was there to get to know them and for them to get to know me. I was in a bible study recently and a gentleman that comes said we need to get to know the non-christians...not just preach to them or hang a door hanger on their door to get them to come. I made the decision to go tonight after the lead singer of the band and I were talking earlier in the week and I was telling her that I had turned my life around and that I was now attending church with my family. She expressed to me that her and her husband (who happens to be the bass player) have been really searching lately for the "more" in life. It was a much different experience tonight then when I used to go. At one point this guy sat down and started cursing and the lady sitting next to me said..."watch your language, this lady goes to church" What a weird feeling. I wanted them to be themselves but I appreciated how quickly he changed what he was saying and how he was saying it. They seemed relaxed and I didn't feel any pressure to join them in drinking and when the drink order came to me and I ordered a Mt. Dew, no one said a word. Maybe this is the way to reach them...I don't know but I felt like I made a good decision in going because now they know that I love them despite their habits and despite their way of life and best of all they know that the change in me is because I go to church now and that I love God. As I drove away I turned on a the CD that I got for our choir from church and skipped ahead to the song "Your Grace Still Amazes Me".

My faithful Father, enduring Friend
Your tender mercy’s like a river with no end
It overwhelms me, covers my sin
Each time I come into Your presence
I stand in wonder once again

CHORUS:
Your grace still amazes me
Your love is still a mystery
Each day I fall on my knees
Your grace still amazes me
‘Cause Your grace still amazes me

Oh, patient Saviour, You make me whole
You are the Author and the Healer of my soul
What can I give You, Lord, what can I say
I know there’s no way to repay You
Only to offer You my praise

It’s deeper, it’s wider
It’s stronger, it’s higher
It’s deeper it’s wider
It’s stronger, it’s higher
than anything my eyes can see

Quick Update...

So...where do I start? My dad is losing his hair. I guess I wasn't prepared for it. It made this whole thing real. I told my mom that when I went to hug him goodbye today I had about 20 or 30 strands of his hair stuck to my face. Joshua went with me and I had to brush him off after we got in the car. I thought that the hair only fell out after chemo but I guess the radiation that they did on his head must have been pretty strong. I was worried about if he was still talking to me after our associate pastor went and visited with him on Sunday but he didn't seem to mind...what a relief. Today I gave him the photo book that I have been making for him. It turned out really nice and he cried a lot while looking at it. I had an awful time looking at him today because he looks so different...with his hair falling out, his face is looking swollen and his eyes have dark circles. He still has a little sense of humor...when I asked when he noticed his hair falling out, he said...One day I got up and my hair didn't and then he laughed. He said that he is taking off one more week without any treatment because he is so weak. He isn't sure he wants to even have anymore treatment because yesterday the doctor said that the treatment isn't going to make him better...just slow down the getting worse part. I think he was still holding out hope that this would all cure itself. On other note...he is married again. This is news that I have known for awhile but we weren't allowed to share until he had told each of us. Now that we all know...I can share with the blog world. He has been with the same woman for 20 years, hard to imagine. I used to refer to her as "the thing" because she wasn't really a girlfriend and there is no common law wife anymore, so I didn't know what to call her. Plus she is only a couple of years older than my brother John so it was always a little weird for all of us. I didn't feel like I could call her the significant other because that would sound like he was living with a man and I didn't want to just refer to her as my half-brother's mom so...
But now that he is sick and she had the opportunity to walk away with no legal reason to stay...she opted to stay. Kudos to her. Now she is my step-mom...That sounds weird but it was a long time coming and I am glad for him and her.
So much for keeping this quick.
On another note...we are having a garage sale this week at my mom's to get rid of all of the things that she has accumlated in the last couple of years and around our family we keep anything that just can't be thrown away...it is too good...or someone will get good use out of this or so and so gave this to me. I personally don't have that problem. I like to give it away so I can see if I get it back and that has happened.
We are also having a family reunion. It all started when my grandma's sister decided to come visit from Michigan (2)...and her brother decided to come and see them, up to 4 now...then his daughter decided to come who invited her other siblings to come (7 or 8 more)...then the sister in Michigan decided to invite her daughter (plus 1), then my cousins who live in town decided to have everyone over to their house (add 4 more) and then you add the mother of the cousin who is also the sister-in-law and her daughters (2 or 3 more)...THEN...the other widowed sister-in-law caught wind of this growing reunion and is bring her daughter, daughter's husband and their son (3)....This is not even including the 2 people that my aunt from Michigan came to visit in the first place...my grandparents. And lets not forget me and my family and my mom. So...I think that is it...29...but it could be more...I am sure it will continue to grow after all it is only Wednesday. Luck for my cousin she has this new dining room that seats 15 so we will only have to double up on the seats.

It has been awhile...

I know...it has been awhile since you have heard from me. I just couldn't think of anything to blog about. I thought about blogging about how blessed I was...but that was taken, I thought about telling you how my blog life and real life have collided, but it was taken. I was going to share how my mom sold her house but I didn't want to steal her moment or her topic for blogging. I was going to tell you how exciting it is to have another girl in the family but my brother already blogged about that...I was going to post picture of how cute my kids are (AND THEY ARE) but my cousin trumped that idea by putting her 5 year old daughter's pictures online and she is way too cute in her ballerina outfit to compete with right now since my kids have nothing to show but their battle scars. I would also blog about how grateful I am again of my friends but I didn't want to start WWII again and plus my friend Sarah did that topic this week. SO now what...ramble on and on and hope that you all are just happy that I blogged in the first place and that you now have something new to read. Pretty much...

But what I really should be blogging about is what a great sermon we had today and how much I am enjoying my new bible study on Thursdays or how much I enjoy listening to other point of view in my Sunday school class. Shouldn't my focus everyday be first on what a great God that we have. That it really doesn't matter what denomination you are or what church you do or you don't attend but that YOU know that you are under the umbrella of grace...that no matter what the storm, we are protected by our God. The pastor was speaking about being so involved in the church that we are producing "fruit" (new followers of Christ). We have so many churches that are growing in numbers but they can't really tell you how many people were saved last year but they know that they had 800 for one service. He said that each church has its core of believers, people who are completely "sold out" to Christ and their "denomination" is not a factor. Then there is a larger circle of workers in the church who believe in the church/denomination and what they are doing and they know the rules and the follow the rules and they believe in the general belief of Christ. Then there is an outer circle of people in a church that simply come to church so that they can say that they go. They are coming but they are not connected, they don't volunteer for anything, they don't get involved...they just come. Christianity is not based on some creed but on Life and Giving Life. Being a servant and witnessing to potential servants of Christ. If they reject us...it is OK...at least we tried. If they accept...great...chalk one up for God. But at least do something. Matthew 13:2-9 gives the parable of the sower and how he planted his seed in many different soils...some in a path, some in the rocks, some in the thorns and some in the good soil...in Matthew 13:18-23 it breaks it down...

18"Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: 19When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is the seed sown along the path. 20The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. 21But since he has no root, he lasts only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away. 22The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. 23But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown."

“I am only one, but I am one. I can't do everything, but I can do something. The something I ought to do, I can do. And by the grace of God, I will.”

Edward Everett Hale quotes (American Clergyman and Writer, 1822-1909)

WOW....we look so different...

So I am doing a little album for my dad of memories of his life and our lives. So I was scanning some pictures in and I thought I would share with everyone what we looked like as kids...WE WERE DARN CUTE...













This is John as a baby.


















This is Tom.














And last by certainly not least...me.


















OK ONE MORE....

Long awaited...

I know...it has been awhile since I blogged last but I have been busy or pre-occupied.
Let me start with...I had a blast the other night with the ladies again from church doing the pottery painting thing. This time I felt like an old pro at the color selections and it took me no time to decide what to paint and how. I think I could really get into this. The trip down there was fun and scary all at the same time. I think the church needs to start a refresher course on proper driving. After my experience from the Point of Grace concert you would think I would drive myself everywhere...no...but in the future...yes. Now I have rode with this person before to Columbus and Delaware and never have we driven this fast...it only took 18 minutes from her house to Delaware...I think it is about a 25 mile drive. For some you will say...that is possible but we made a stop to pick someone up too. And if you knew the roads we are on...most of it consists of 35 mph zones because of all of the curves. Do you also know that you can pass 2 cars at the same time a lot faster if one of them is slowing down to make a left turn. I decided I was a lot closer to God than I thought because I prayed that we would arrive there unhurt and we did...and we made the trip home unharmed as well. I have also been known to exaggerate a wee bit so...maybe we didn't go THAT fast but we were movin'. Thanks Brenda and Jennifer for going with me and making me laugh and thanks Sarah for driving. (Oops...now you know who NOT to ride with, just kidding). It was fun and a much needed fun night for me and I had the best Mean Mocha from the Mean Bean coffee shop in Delaware. It tasted nothing like coffee which just how I prefer my coffee. Lots of other things to mask the taste of the coffee. Also I learned some very "interesting" and sometimes TMI from some of the people, for instance....JC from Farnum, Ohio has some rather strange habits in cleaning, I would share but like I said....TMI!!! And the story about the garbage disposal and how certain things that are "chunky" shouldn't go down it. Or that time that guy went bowling....OH MAN!!! you had to be there...I laughed and laughed. My cheeks hurt and my face hurt too...LOL. Well...I think I have exhausted all of my blogging abilities for the night. I hope that my friend, (lets just call her), Barbara Brown...enjoys this.


The update on my dad is that he started radiation on Thursday and they are planning on doing that for 2 weeks to shrink the tumors in his brain and then he will do a round of chemo for his liver. They are saying that with the right treatment he could have 2 years. I think the news is better than I had expected...I was expecting them to say it was just a matter of months. So, what does that mean? Well for me it means that I have to try to cram the past 15 years into 2 or less. I have been very neglectful of my responsibilities as a daughter. I haven't been supportive in his decisions or accepting him for who he is, my fault not his. It is sad to me that I have waited until something like this comes along for me to admit that I love him. It is so much easier to wash your hands of someone and say...I hate them, or I just don't get them. So I am working on a picture album for him because I made him a picture of his mom and dad from a picture that was taken at my mom and dad's wedding and he loved it...in fact he cried, something I have never seen him do. He has been crying a lot lately...I think for all that he has missed and for all that he is going to miss with his grandchildren. He struggles now to even verbalize his thoughts because his speech has been so effected by these tumors. I told him that I pray for him everyday, he cried. Strangely enough...I haven't cried. I am still trying to figure that one out.

I am also attaching the photo of my grandparents that I did for my dad...LeRoy and Mabel Jones and a posed picture of my dad...about the only one I know to exist.

How many in your INBOX?

So...I was doing a little computer cleaning, mainly the inbox on my email and realized that I had 119 in my inbox and after looking at each one I realized that there is really no place for them. I mean they don't belong in the "important" folder or the "online bill" folder or the "family history " folder. I don't feel like creating folders for every email like the "funny" folder, the "cute" folder or the "spiritual" folder and some of them wouldn't even fit in those...so I was wondering why do we keep the emails in the first place. I mean I have never went back and read something and thought...This is even funnier the second time or this really needs to be printed and framed. I also have emails in my inbox from MAY. So...how many do you have in your inbox? I would like to say that I did consolidate mine down to 98.

On other note...Tonight was the Popcorn Festival Parade better known as "See a lawn chair and pick it up". This is the only town that you can drive though 2 days before the parade and see lawn chairs along the side of the road just laying there. Now if I was in the market for a really nice chair (and I was a thief) I would scout out a really good chair and swipe it. I would like to give you this wonderful report on how great the parade was but...lets just say...2 1/2 hours, 7 kids (I was there with some friends), and a poorly ran parade. The best part of the parade is when people thought the parade was over so they would pick up their chairs and fold them and put them in their bags only to realize there was more parade so they would unpack their chairs and sit back down. This didn't just happen once but twice. There were some hold ups in the parade line because of the ELGIN band...I said they probably were doing LEFT, LEFT, RIGHT and making circles before someone shouted out the correct order. Who knows. They need someone like me to organize the parade next year. Starting with only letting the first 100 entries in the parade plus the bands. I think they had over 300 entries. There was one obvious absence from the parade, a float that represents our church so we are determined that next year we are going to build a float. At least that is what we are saying now...come next year we may decide against it because of all of the work it involves. But one nice thing came out of it, actually 2, Samuel said tonight as he was going to bed...Thanks mom for making tonight fun. It was worth sitting that whole time to hear him say that. The second thing is I got to spend time with friends. Sorry so long....

Update on my dad: I really don't have much of an update except that he is having a biopsy on Monday and he doesn't seem to realize that his speech is affected by the cancer in his brain. For instance he will be talking and in the middle he will start to slur his words and then it gets clear again. Please continue to pray for us.

Keeping you posted...

So my dad still has cancer. I was hoping that this morning I would wake up and it would be some kind of mistake. The fact is the CT scan came back and said he not only has brain cancer but he also has it in his liver. He was supposed to have a biopsy tomorrow but because of all of the aspirin and blood thinning medicine that they have given him in the hospital, they have to postpone it until next week. They did send him home yesterday because they really weren't doing anything for him in the hospital except feeding him and giving him his medicine. They said the cancer most likely started in his lungs which he already had taken care of, they removed part of his lung a couple of years ago but that it didn't show up until now for some reason. Who knows. I haven't gotten too emotional about the whole thought of this being super serious...I don't know why...maybe I am in denial...OK...I am in denial.
I am a lot like my brother, John, when it comes to my dad...we haven't spent a great bunch of time together not just his fault but mine. I just didn't get him and not sure I do yet. He is so different from all of us...the only thing we have in common is a sense of humor but his is harder than mine to decide whether he is being mean or funny. After the whole lung cancer thing he was a lot more interested in me and my kids and making sure that he was spending time with them. I think it was a bit of wake up call. He has told me in the last couple of days that he doesn't want to die because he has some unfinished business. I would like to think that it includes me. Everyone who knows me or members of my family have misinterupted my relationship with my dad, that I hate him. That is not even close to the truth. I just always felt that he wasn't there for us growing up like "I" would have liked. Maybe if I had not made it some much about the "I", "we" could have the relationship that he could give...whatever that is. I am making sure that I let him know that the problems we had in the past are just the past and that I want to be there for him now and that at the end of the day...he is still my dad and I am still his daughter.

The rest of the story...

So...my week got worse...I know hard to believe. Well not really worse but a steady bad. On Friday at 12:00, about 24 hours from taking Samuel to Urgent Care, I was back in there with Josh. That's right Josh. It seems that we have an imaginary bump in our living room that he managed to trip over. Unfortnately he didn't get his hands down in time to catch himself before his mouth bounced off the floor causing his upper lip to swell up so that the little words that we could understand are now completely muffled. The doctor didn't stitch it because she said it might be more traumtic to stitch than to just let it heal on its own and it wasn't cut on the outside of his lip. So I may be getting a visit from Children Services this week...
So that was Friday...Saturday...I woke up this morning with the hope that TODAY would be a good day...WRONG! As I said in my last post my dad is in the hospital and I figured that they were going to keep him there for awhile to see if he was going to have any more of those TIA (mini-strokes). Well they are going to keep him but not for that. I guess last night he had an MRI of his brain and this morning the neurologist came in and said that they think he has brain cancer and that the cancer is probably not only in his brain but some other places in his body. So they ordered a CT of the rest of his body but the results will probably not be read until Tuesday since this is a holiday weekend and after all no one is supposed to get sick on a holiday....
GREAT!!! So tonight while I was there they gave him his first dose of steriods and a shot of insulin for his diabetes. I guess the steriods will make your sugar go up so they put him on insulin shots starting today. They believe that the TIAs were not those at all but rather seizures from the brain cancer. So...he hasn't said too much about how he is feeling except that he has that kind of "put out" sound to his voice like most of us would...that this is not what he was planning for at all and it sucks. He said today that he isn't even scared to die but he doesn't want to become a vegatable. He is more worried about that than anything. Our family has had the unfortnate experience of watching 2 uncles die of brain cancer/tumors. I can't blame him for feeling that way. I am scared too...I don't want to see him like that either. It is bad enough that he is slurring his words now and he doesn't even hear it. The worse thing about all of this is that he isn't a Christian and I don't know how to approach him about it...I don't want to ask him to talk to the pastor because I know he will think that I think he is dying. Please say a prayer for me and for him and for all of us...we will need it.

What a week!!!

I was going to curse in the title but I decided that it wouldn't make my week any better nor would it make me feel better. I have a really REALLY bad week. Let's start with Monday night as I was sitting in the Chinese restaurant eating and the waitress comes over and says she has an emergency phone call for me. It is my brother, Tom, letting me know that my dad has just had a stroke and he needs me to drive to my dad's house to convince my dad to go to the ER. So I stood up immediately to find out that my legs were not going to hold me because the shock of the news had struck me harder than I thought it ever would. So...I sat for a minute and cried for a second and then regained my composure and took off to my dad's. Once there I was met by Tom and my half brother Justin who is 17, who have finally decided to transport my dad to the ER by themselves...so we all load up in cars and head there. The whole time I am thinking...Is there a reason they didn't call the EMS? But questions that would have to wait. Once there they decide that he had not had a stroke but rather a TIA (whatever that means) except that they said it is a precursor for a more severe stroke. The admitted him overnight and ran a bunch of tests and then sent him home. And so my crappy week starts. Then on Tuesday it is Wayne's birthday but because of my dad being in the hospital, I was a crappy birthday for him and then I also had to take Joshua back to the neurologist and find out what his EEG said. Well good news...his EEG shows nothing wrong and his MRI shows nothing wrong BUT...he might have PDD or a form of autism. OK...not bad what does that mean...more tests...more waiting and maybe he doesn't have it at all and maybe he is just slow for his age and maybe he doesn't talk because he doesn't have anything to say, maybe he falls all of the time because he is clumsy, and maybe, just maybe these crazy outbursts are "normal" for him. But only time will tell. So that was day 2 of my week...I would like to say that Wednesday was uneventful but I really don't remember Wednesday...maybe I fought with my husband all that day because he was tired and I was exhausted and we haven't seen each other or talked to each other in a couple of days because he is working all the time and I have been dealing with doctor's appointments and hospital visits. So...TODAY...just the break I need. I decided to meet a few friends for lunch at Pizza Hut. So I ask grammy to watch Josh...I get in the car to go and my phone rings...It is the school where Samuel goes. They want me to come out because Samuel has fell on the playground and cut his eye and because he hit somewhere on his head they have to have the parents come out and decide what to do. WHATEVER! So I am thinking, quick trip, check it out, sign a form and send him back to class. When I get there he has a boxing type cut above his eye. Not bleeding but busted wide open. Mind you...he is not crying but proud of his battle scar. He was super brave right up until I took him to urgent care for stitches. So...3 stitches later we are on our way back to grammy's to get Josh, who I figured by now has pushed the grandparents to their breaking point. Once we pick Josh up we head for home and it is roughly 5 o'clock or so and like any good parent I insist on a nap...more for the quiet for me than the fact that they were even sleepy. So they wake up around 7 or 7:30. I fix them dinner and I am sitting talking to my mom who decided to come by and see the kids. At about 9:00 my cell phone keeps ringing and ringing. I had just put it on the charger and assumed that it was probably just Wayne asking how my night was going and I figured he would call back later. But the phone kept ringing so I finally checked and it was my brother, Tom...Dad had another episode and the EMS was called this time and he is on his way to the ER. So...I have spent the last 3 hours plus at the ER with dad and they are going to admit him again, run the same tests, and probably send him home. So that has been my week so far....I CAN'T wait to find out what tomorrow brings...

TO BE CONTINUED................

I was alseep until I woke up

Weird title, I know but have you ever said something like that...I have to say it wasn't me who said it but it made me laugh...Like I was watching TV until I turned it off...It is one of those "DUH" moments. For instance...today I went to Applebees with some friends for a birthday lunch and I had bought a cake for after the meal and so I asked the lady cleaning the tables..."Do you have any small plates?" Her answer was "Yes...Did you want some?" I sarcastically said "NO...I just wondered if you had them...Thanks!" So she didn't get me any. She is clearly a black and white person. I have a hard time with people like that. I am always amazed when someone doesn't get the obvious humor in things people say... Here are a few more examples of the "duh" things people say...when you get an obvious haircut like 10 inches off...sure as the sky is blue someone is going to say...Did you get a haircut? I want to say...no I am just combing it over and hairspraying it close to my head so I don't have to mess with it anymore...but thanks for asking. Or you are out somewhere and it is 100 degrees out and you are sweating and someone says "Are you hot?" NO....my body just can't hold anymore and it is starting to seep but thanks for asking. Or if you are tall and someone says...how is the weather up there? You want to say...it has been raining since this morning but I think they are calling for clearing skies later.
To end this blog, here is a little something that my grandpa says that makes me laugh that sort of falls into this topic...When someone asks "How are you feeling?" He almost always answers "With my fingers."

Pottery Outing...

If you want to see pictures of our outing go to the link above...
or paste this in our browser. http://im-sarah.blogspot.com/

1st day of Kindergarten...

Well it is official...I have a son old enough to go to school. He took off this morning on the bus with not even a goodbye. He didn't even seemed the least bit fazed by the new situation and a bit annoyed with all of the pictures. He was pretty mad that he had to wait to get on the bus...the time they said to be ready was from 8:05 till 9:00. Needless to say he was one of the last to be picked up. The picture in the middle is Samuel standing at the door counting to 60 ten times because I told him he couldn't go outside for 10 minutes. The bus trip was uneventful as well...he got tired of waiting, can you tell.

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On another note...yesterday I went with the some friends from church to the Bare Bowl, a pottery painting store. It was so much fun. I also brought along my mom so she could have a little stress reliever. I painted a large mug and several ladies painted plates and bowls. My mom painted a snowman with all the details...I did a super simple design of stripes but freehanded so they are a little crooked. AFTER I painted it the lady that works there told me I could have used masking tape so the lines would have been straight. Maybe next time. I think we all liked it so much that we are planning our next trip. We may do it while the men of the house take the youngsters to a fire museum...at least that is my plan, sound good to the rest of you? Maybe SOMEONE (Sarah) can post pictures on her blog of the trip and you can get a better idea of what I am talking about. It was definitely a time to find out who is creative and who isn't. I fall into the less creative.

So...I think I will go play with Josh and wait patiently to use my camera again as Samuel gets off the bus.

Pay Attention

My friend recently gave me this really neat book called "Furry Logic" and it has some really cool sayings it. I was trying to think of a post for tonight since I said I would try to do better at posting more frequently. I ran across this.."The quickest way for a parent to get their child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable." It is SO true.
I never understood why my mom would sit in the bath tub for hours with the door closed and locked, it was to keep us out and give her a minute or two to herself. Or how annoying it is to try to talk to someone on the phone and have your kids think of everything that they have been waiting to tell you. Samuel will spend two hours watching cartoons in the playroom and Josh is busy playing in the playroom and then I think...I will call Sarah...AND BOOM, they are in the living room with me or running up and down the hallways screaming or jumping on the couch. I think as soon as they hear me talking they assume I am talking to them...of course if I say their name they don't hear that!

Moving on...Kindergarten starts in 2 days. Technically about 35 hours but who is counting. I am getting more anxious everyday and I don't really know why. He seemed completely comfortable at his kindergarten orientation. I stood there watching him as he sat quietly and as he listened to the teacher and did as she said. I hope he keeps up this trend when school actually starts. He seemed to be about the only kid actually listening but maybe that is because I watching him more than the other kids. I didn't realize how expensive this kindergarten stuff can be...not only did we have to provide 2 bottles of glue, a pair of scissors, new gym shoes but they had on there 2 boxes of Kleenex. Now I was thinking 2 small boxes of Kleenex...but NO every kid brought those big boxes of Kleenex. So now the classroom has enough Kleenex to coat the whole ceiling in the cafeteria with spit balls. Then they asked each kid to bring a package of napkins, which I am assuming is for snack time...which is something else we have to bring...a snack once or twice a month. Here is one that I really think should be the responsibility of the school...headphones for each child. Don't they have an expense account for that. Sorry to all of you in the school system but this is getting ridiculous. I have heard that next year's list includes chalk and dry erase markers (nothing like stocking the teachers supply cabinet). By junior high he might have to bring his own desk and laptop and the teacher will be on CD-rom.

So that is it for tonight...tomorrow I am church hopping. Getting drunk on Jesus juice at not only my church but I am taking off after SS to go watch grandma sing at her church. Then tomorrow afternoon I am going with some girls from Sunday school class to a pottery class in Delaware, I can't wait. They decided to throw a birthday party for themselves. I will let you know tomorrow if we had fun...I know we will though.

Ramblings...

I really don't know where to start, it has been a really "long" time since I have blogged, or SO I HAVE BEEN TOLD! It is funny that in a blog world it seems like 2 weeks is a lifetime, in that short amount of time you can lose loyal readers. I may have lost loyal readers with my last post...it seems I stepped on a few toes. I took it from the non-comments that they didn't agree with what the sermon was about and that they went to Applebees for a little after sermon drink. To that I say...have at it...but it is just not for me. I promise not to judge...for those that know me and have known me from a long time ago you know I have issues with control and that alcohol and keeping it at one drink is next to impossible for me. I suppose that if I had some sort of control and restraint in my life I would weigh 140 and I would be paying weight watchers to tell me that I weigh the same as I did 6 months ago. I was thinking the other morning as I was getting dressed and I was using the loops on the sides of my jeans to pull my jeans up over my butt and prayed they didn't break, I have made so many excuses as to why I am this big. I tell myself, it runs in the family. I would like to believe that but if you have seen my grandparents you know I can't blame it on my genes. I would like to say that I am "BIG BONED" but come on how many of us have seen CSI where they uncover a enormous bone and they immediately assume it is a "big boned" person. I have seen my x-rays and nothing looked overly large except the light shadows surrounding the bone, maybe I am just thick skinned. HA...

This weekend has not helped my membership to the "I am Kim and I am Fat" club. I went to not one but two family reunions. Lots and lots of food. On Saturday we went to the "Grate" Reunion...it was a blast. On our invitation thing it said "We will be there at noon and be there until whenever." We decided to get there around 2 (grandpa's decision not mine...I wanted to get there at noon). Well good thing we went with grandpa's time because we were the first to show. That is right...2 hours after all the festivities were supposed to start. We had decided that if no one else showed up we were going to build a fire, cook our hotdogs and eat without them. BUT...then they started coming...slowly but they came. I think we ended up with more than 60 people. But it was well worth the wait. I laughed and laughed...I even laughed at myself when no one else was laughing...I crack me up! I was so glad to be able to share all of my hard work on my genealogy stuff. I was glad that all of my hard work was appreciated.
On Sunday we went to the Hersman reunion. Not nearly as fun but very much on time. In fact it said it was over at 3 and boy it was it...everyone packed up and took off right at 3. This is the first time I have been there in 16 years. I had people wondering who I was. I just acted like I belonged there. Around 2:30 I finally started telling people how I was linked to the family, which is something that people at the "Grate" reunion never did...I still don't know some of the people who came to the Grate reunion...I think they were just at the park for the catfish tournament and they saw we had food so they stopped by. I was thinking that maybe Wayne and I could drive around on Sundays and look at parks for a large number of people who are eating and show up with a bucket of chicken and sit and eat with them. Sounds like fun to me. It is not like anyone is going to ask you who you are.

So that is it for tonight...I promise I will write more later. I do have a little more to share but it is more on the serious side...I PROMISE...I will not be talking about sinful tattooing or the awful playing cards not to mention what dancing can lead to......(Have you met my kids?). Sorry Wesleyan Joke.






Here is a picture of the "Grate" kids...they are the reason that we all get together every year.











Here is the Hersman clan.

Sermon Notes...

Well this Sunday had an interesting sermon but one that was much needed among my particular age group. I feel like my generation is always looking for the easy way out, the shortcut or the loophole in the scriptures. Making the scripture fit in to our mold. I mean if you are like me you have said or have heard this said, "BUT Jesus turned water in to wine..." So it must be OK. Or "a glass of wine is good for your stomach..."
Our Pastor talked directly to us about why our church believes in abstaining from alcohol other than the old timers explanation of "Your body is a temple of GOD and you shouldn't put anything in it to destroy it and that it will kill your brain cells" The pastor made the point that most of the people figured...I already have destroyed brain cells...what are a few more or we think we are smart enough that we can spare a few. He had all the members stand up while he read directly out of the manuel of the Church of the Nazarene that clearly states that as a member you agree that you will abstain from any use of alcohol. He also backed this up with scripture.
The passage in the bible he used was Proverbs 23:29-35 and it says
29 Who has woe? Who has sorrow?
Who has strife? Who has complaints?
Who has needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes?

30 Those who linger over wine,
who go to sample bowls of mixed wine.

31 Do not gaze at wine when it is red,
when it sparkles in the cup,
when it goes down smoothly!

32 In the end it bites like a snake
and poisons like a viper.

33 Your eyes will see strange sights
and your mind imagine confusing things.

34 You will be like one sleeping on the high seas,
lying on top of the rigging.

35 "They hit me," you will say, "but I'm not hurt!
They beat me, but I don't feel it!
When will I wake up
so I can find another drink?"

It amazes me that even when the bible was transulated that verses 32-35 describe perfectly what the affects of alcohol can do to a person. The pastor went on to give statistics of what alcohol can do in our every day life... For instance.
Every 22 minutes someone dies from alcohol or alcohol related disease/accident.
50% of all rapes are alcohol related
36% of suicides are alcohol related
50% of child abuse is alcohol related
75% of all child deaths are alcohol related (this one scares me!)

Wine in bible times is not the same wine that we are used to in our time. The wine in that time was used for medicine to settle the stomach because the water was full of bacteria. Example 1Timothy 5:23

23 Stop drinking only water, and use a little wine because of your stomach and your frequent illnesses

It was also mixed in most settings in the bible as in Proverbs 9:2-5

2 She has prepared her meat and mixed her wine;
she has also set her table.

3 She has sent out her maids, and she calls
from the highest point of the city.

4 "Let all who are simple come in here!"
she says to those who lack judgment.

5 "Come, eat my food
and drink the wine I have mixed.

He spoke about our preferences over our convictions and how when we prefer things it is for convience. For example...most parents prefer that their kids don't drink, but it is Ok if they do. Most parents prefer that their kids go to church even if they don't. If we had a conviction about those things and believed strongly in it then we would be making sacrifices. Making sure that our kids can follow our example and teaching them that a drink is not all that important. Making a sacrifice in sleep or time to make the effort to come to church. Conviction is sacrifice. Christians should take a stand to make sure that they are not just blending in with the world. If you are out somewhere and someone sees you with a beer in your hand and another person who is obviously not a christian holding a beer in their hand then how will they know that you are a Christian and that you are making sacrifices to show what you believe to a very critical outside world. Let's face it the world is waiting for us Christians to screw up so they can point fingers at us and call us a hypocrite. We are supposed to be images of Christ and he would have abstained from alcohol in our time so he could be a good example and a good witness to the world. Our pastor ended his sermon with these statistics:

If a child can abstain from using alcohol until the age of 21 then they are more likely to never drink

The average age right now in the US for starting to drink is 11 for boys and 13 for girls. The average age that people begin to drink on a regular basis is 15.9.

He asked which catagory do we fall into...Abstainance, Tolerance, or Acceptance. As members of the Nazarene Church we should be falling under the Abstainance catorgory but it seems that lately we are falling under the tolerance or acceptance. We aren't fazed by the fact that our kids see us drinking and we can't give a good excuse as to why they can't have some. The only thing I could think people could say to their kids would be it tastes awful and it makes you sick...(THEN WHY DRINK IT). Some people can stop at one drink but how do you know that if you are influence that your children use to decide to drink that they will be that person that can stop at just one and that they won't end up on the statistical side of alcohol.

So that is the sermon and what I interpreted him as saying...I would love to hear any comments from those of you that attend our church who might have gotten something different out of it or that agree with what I think.

Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

The begging shall cease!

After much begging I am writing a blog. I have been really busy...(OK not really). Actually this has been a pretty slow week so I have tried to be as lazy as possible. I have managed to get together a few times with friends. Some interesting things happen when you have a house full of screaming, running and sometimes laughing kids. For instance...we were all sitting in my friends living room when one of the children was digging for gold...I mean she was scratching her brain if you know what I mean. When my friend Brenda said..."Did you get it?" She said Yes....AND THEN SHE ATE IT! I think Brenda threw up in her mouth. I was laughing so hard that I thought I was going to have to put one of the baby's diapers. Last night was also Samuel's first official sleep over with his friend Riley. I would like to be able to say that he was devastated to see me leave and that first thing this morning he cried and cried for me but no...he loved it, he didn't even know I had left. It is hard to believe that he is getting this old. He was so devastated by not being home last night that he decided to stay the night at his "Mop"'s house tonight.
The second thing I wanted to blog about was how we sometimes get so wrapped up in our own worries and frustrations that we miss the fact that there are people and friends around us that are going though "stuff" too. I was awaken to this the other night as I was sitting "listening" to a friend tell me about some of the stuff that they have been dealing with. I thought...WOW...have I been so blind and completely caught up in myself that I missed what was happening to my friend. I think that sometimes we need to talk less and listen more. I feel like my friends have listened to me alot lately about Josh and about me, me, me...that I forgot to listen to them. I forgot what a real friend is...a great listener. I apologize to my friends if I have been selfish in my stories and in our time together. I will try to do better. Sometimes I wish that I didn't have the past and the life that I have because it has afforded me a lot of stories that seem to always fit right in there with someone elses story. I never want to come across like I am trying to have the "best" story or the "worse" problem or the "YEAH...well my..." kind of story.
Philippians 2:3
Don't be selfish; don't live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself.

One side note...here is a picture of Josh for my brother...I think him and Tyler are starting to look a little alike. I can't wait to see them together in November.

Words have changed over the years.

My friends and I were having this discussion about how words change over time. For instance...my grandmother uses the word "dope" for any topping that we put on ice cream. Now if I said to someone that I am going to put "dope" on my ice cream they think it was some illegal drug I was topping it with. Then the older crowd sometimes call butter, "oleo". No one know why. One other thing I was thinking about is the confusion I feel when I go over to grandma's for lunch and she calls it dinner. Now I think dinner is later but she calls that supper. In my terms...it is breakfast, lunch and dinner. In her eyes it is breakfast, dinner, and then supper. She also refers to things as "tooting" and we call it farting. She calls the toilet, "the cammode" and calls underwear "pants". Over the years I have been able to understand her foreign language and I thought that she might just be the only person on the planet that says stuff like that. BUT NO...I have several friends that have 1 or more people in the family who still use these different words. I would be interested to know if any of you have any more examples of words changing over time.
(Sorry so short)

Friends...

I have been thinking a lot about what makes a really good friend. I wouldn't say I am expert on this topic because it wasn't until recently that I found a friend that I would consider a "best friend". I have learned over the years that you can have a lot of friends and aquaitances but only once, maybe twice if your lucky, a true best friend. When I was younger I longed for the friendship that my cousin Andrea had with Nicole and the friendship that my cousin Kelley had with Kismet, one that survives through all years and seems stronger with every year. What I admired about both of those friendships is that they didn't have to spend every waking moment talking to each other but when they did they were on the same page. They had the same likes and dislikes and any differences they might have had didn't keep them from respecting each other. I have to say that the relationships that I have recently found, came at a time when I have been trying to straighten my life out and started going to church. I think it is possible (mom you might have been right), that I was looking for friends in the wrong places. It is so nice to have christian friends and have christian families to hang out with. I am excited to watch all of our kids go up together in the church. While those relationships are very important to me, my best friend is the one person that I can call when I am feeling low and she makes me laugh or I find something funny in what she is saying even when she is not trying to. What I like most about our friendship is that we don't even have to talk to each other for a week and we can still call each other and talk just where we left off. I have never been more thankful for a friend to lean on than now since I have been going through so much with Joshua and my health. So thank you, Sarah, for being there for me and for making me laugh even when I don't feel like it. I don't always express to you how important you are to me and how much I appreciate our friendship, thanks again. To my other friends...thank you for all of you support and prayers during this time. I am realizing how important friendships are during rough times.

And to let everyone know...I have to go back in another 6 months for another mammogram (4 in less than 2 years). The next time they said they might have to do a biopsy. As far as Joshua goes...I took him today for an EEG. It was so stressful and tiring for both of us. I had to wake him up at 6:00 am (sorry Sarah I told you 5). Anyway...I had to try to keep him awake all the way to Columbus by myself and then during the test I had to hold him down as they attached about 36 electrodes to his head with glue and a mini hair dryer. I won't know the results for about 10 business days. We also have an appointment with the neurologist at the end of August. I suppose if there is something really bad that shows up, they will have us in before then. So this week has been a little busy and if I have not returned calls or called you, I am sure you all understand.

One more thing...Did you know that a fiesta taco salad from Taco Bell is 630 calories and 39 fat grams, it doesn't even measure on the weight watchers scale (sorry I had to throw that in there). So much for a salad being good for you!!!

5th Birthday a Success!

The birthday party was absolutely wonderful. We had a awesome turn out. I think we had a total of 35 people. Our theme was Superman but I was calling Samuel "Pooperman". He is like any other 5 year old boy, he thinks any word related to bodily functions is funny (poop, fart, burp, butt, you get the idea). I wanted to have a water balloon toss "Kryptonite Toss" but the big kids (Wayne, Mike, Anthony and Steve) decided to start throwing balloons and it wasn't long until the little ones joined in and all of the balloons were gone. They had a blast and the pool was a big hit considering it was mid 90's on Sunday. Here are a few picture of that day.


Samuel getting ready to get me with a water balloon..."STOP I HAVE THE CAMERA!"








Aaron Lovell









Tyler and Riley Brown

Taylor Jones and Brandon Wolbert

Abby and Elizabeth Boyd.

We had a wonderful time. The kids enjoyed the pool and the trampoline and the adults enjoyed the adult company and some opted for the air conditioned house (mom).



Thanks to all that came, it made the day special for Samuel.

Awkward

Ever wonder when you child is going to say that one thing that makes you angered and embarrassed all at the same time? Well...I have a friend who experienced this with me this weekend. We were all going to Buffalo Wild Wings and I was teasing her son as we were getting out of the car and boom...out of retaliation he says "You are Fat!" I said I know...He said "No, You are really fat!" This is the point that the mother realized what he had said. She was instantly mad and embarrassed all at the same time. I wanted to quickly say...Well...he is very observant. I mean it is like calling the kettle black as my mom would say. I found it funny but was trying to let the mother handle it the way that she wanted. I must admit it did corss my mind to say something childish like "I may be fat but..."
I was actually not offended by the honesty but wondered to myself...I wonder how long it will be before Samuel or Josh say something to someone that I will want to hide away somewhere. For story purposes, I will edit the actual word used, but I was told by a someone that they were with their child in a store somewhere where the guy in front of them was being less than polite and her daughter noticed him and her mom's expressions and loudly blurted "Mommy, Is this guy being a jerk?"
What was funny about my friends situation with me was that after the scolding by his mom, he told her "I am going to runaway!" She calmly said "It is raining" He responded..."I guess I will runaway tomorrow!" When she told him that he would miss Samuel's birthday party, he said "I will be back for that". KIDS SAY THE DARNEST THINGS!

So...in other news. I am hosting a huge 5th birthday party tomorrow for "Superman" Samuel. I think the number of kids is up to 12 but I may have forgotten to count a few. I forgot how hard this planning thing is. I think I get more excited about it than he does. I bought a pinata tonight (a pull string, VERY SAFE), I always wanted one as a kid. So wish me luck and as always lots of prayers as our house will be filled with a LOT of people. Here are the pictures that I put in his invitation.

Another Family update

So after taking Joshua to the ER on Friday for the seizures, I took him to the doctor this week who called and made an appointment with a neurologist. We go on August 29th. The doctor thought that maybe the medicine that they had been giving him for his appetite was causing it so he took him completely off of it. We hadn't given it to him since Friday and the doctor said if the seizures occur again then it is not the medicine. So...yesterday we found out it is not the medicine because he had a little seizure in the car on the ride home from my grandparents. I can't wait until August. I looked back up Cerebral Palsy (which is the first thing they thought he might have) and it was like reading a novel about Josh. Everything on the mild side of CP is what we have dealt with. So I hope that they re-examine this as a possibility. If you have any questions go to this http://www.webmd.com/hw/raising_a_family/aa56612.asp
Also in the midst of all of this with Joshua, I had to have my 3rd mammogram of the year. In October of last year they found something and I have had to go back every 4 months. Today I went a whole month early because I found something else and now I am a bit paranoid. Today they not only did a mammogram but they did an ultrasound. I have a doctors appointment scheduled for Tuesday to get the results. The wait is the worse! Sorry that all of my posts lately have not had the usual dose of humor but I have a lot on my mind and my sense of humor is the first thing to get pushed to the side. So as before, please pray for me and my family. Somedays I feel like this: (I still have a little bit of a sense of humor...hopefully my best friend still has hers.)















I love those girls!

What chair are you in?

So today we went to church and man was I glad I did. Our pastor struck a nerve with me and I felt moved to take action. Here are the highlights...He was asking what chair in life are we in...Chair number 1 consists of committment, love and priorities. Chair 2 is compromise, lukewarm, and pleasures, and finally chair number 3 was conflict, lostness, and perplexed. He was describing how each of fit into one of those. He related it to the church and how the church as a whole used to be In Love with Christ, that He was the first priority and that people were committed to the church and God. Now it seems as though most churches are sliding from chair one to chair 2 from being in love with Christ to talking about how the church of the past was on fire and how the church of the past were really committed and how the church of the past was the priority of people. The churches in chair 2 are more likely to talk about the history of the church and be lukewarm rather than being the chair #1 like we are supposed to be. Chair # 3 was not forgotten in all of this. This is the church that falls apart from conflict, lostness and are perplexed. He also talked to the parents and asked where do you think you sit? And where do you think your children sit? And where do your children think you sit? Most children are one chair below their parents so if you are sitting in chair number 2 then most likely your child is sitting in chair # 3. If we compromise our beliefs and are caught up in the pleasures of this world (that fine line), and are just lukewarm in our beliefs then our chidren are most likely going to be in conflict, lost and perplexed. If your children see you living your life from chair # 1 they are more likely to strive to be there with you. Wayne and I both took what he said very seriously and made a committment to make it a priority for our children and show them that we love our church and we love our God. "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!" Joshua 24:15. Please pray for us that we can be strong examples to our children and that we can raise them up in the way that they shall go. I don't want to be responsible for letting my kids down and making it easy for them to sit in chair number 3.

Can't Win

Do you ever feel like you can't win for trying? That is exactly how I feel about Joshua and his health. We have had him to specialist after specialist, done more tests than any kid should have to go through, currently giving him medicine for indigestion, a medicine to increase his appetite and a liquid vitamin that makes your tongue feel like you have been sucking on a fork all day, we have been told by numerous people and friends that there is nothing wrong with him yet something is not quite right. Today while we were eating he bent over in the highchair and started making this weird face and his right arm started jerking. It only lasted about a minute and then he went right back to his rotten self. So Wayne and I decided that maybe he was just being goofy but I continued to watch him. Tonight I was sharing this experience with my grandma and my mom and grandma said that yesterday at her house he did the same thing that I was describing and she wondered what it was too. Well tonight as I was eating at Bob Evans with my mom and grandma he bent over and started jerking and when I reached over and grabbed his arm, he quit. He looked blankly at me for a second and then made a funny face and laughed. After we got home he seemed to have a hard time walking, he kept tripping. So tomorrow morning I begin the task of calling the doctors and specialists to see if I can get new answers which I am sure will be followed with more tests. I get so frustrated and angry that I have a hard time not crying. I think I have spent most of tonight trying to fight back the tears. This sucks! I told my mom that I feel like people think that I am just trying to find something wrong with him but I am not. I just want to have an answer, whatever it is! Please pray for me as I start this new road to answers.