Thursday, November 16, 2006
And life goes on...
It is weird to me how everyone else's life seems to be moving along when mine seems to have slowed way down and everything takes on a whole new meaning. As mentioned in many of my other blog entries, my dad has terminal cancer. We were told on September 1st that the cancer from 2 years ago that he had in his lung (which they said they got it all) had re-occured in his brain and liver. At the time the doctors told him he would have a good 2 years to enjoy his family and even though that didn't seem like long, it was a lifetime when you consider the type of cancer. Well...the 2 years has turned into 2-6 months because the radiation that they did on his brain cancer didn't really shrink the tumors that much and his brain can not handle anymore radiation unless it was very direct doses on the tumors. This was the option that was offered to him this past weekend as he lay in Riverside but with the warning that EVEN IF they did the radiation it might not help and if it did help, it would not increase his life span significantly. The only help that he could get from this type of radiation would be that the seizures that he had for over 2 days could subside, but no guarantee. And the chemo that he was having for his liver was not going to increase his life span either...so the decision was made. No more treatments. Not a decision by us his family but by him. Not an easy decision to make or one that anyone would want to make. Is it really considered giving up? I personally didn't want to him to have any more treatments because they wore him out and knocked his white blood cells so low that he could die from a common cold. So I can hope and pray that the little bit of time he has he can build back up his energy and with the right cocktail of drugs he can be as comfortable he can be and maybe he can enjoy the little amount of time he has left with his grandkids and family. Someone asked me if he was a Christian tonight. Our pastor came down to the hospital and prayed with my dad and asked him if he was right with God and my dad said that he was ready and at peace. So if you ask me today I have to say "yes". I told that person that maybe God has a bigger book than me. By my standards he isn't ready but who am I to step in between a relationship between God and my dad. Maybe God has a smaller book...one with less rules and more grace than any of us can wrap our minds around. MAYBE...just MAYBE. I want to thank everyone for their prayers during this time and for times to come. It is a rough road and seemingly narrow road that we must walk sometimes but with our eyes on the cross we will never get lost. Thank you Jesus for opening my eyes and letting me see you even in the darkest times and giving me the strengh I have needed to be there for my dad.
Monday, November 13, 2006
"How Long?"
"How Long?" seems like a fitting title for this blog. It has been the theme of the weekend. Starting on Thursday we have been asking "How Long?" How Long will my dad be having a seizure? How long will it take for them to get it to stop? How long will it take for us to get him to Riverside? How long will it take for the doctors to tell us what is going on? How long will be he be in the hospital? How long will he need to continue with chemo and radiation if the cancer is uncureable? and today...How long will he live?
That one is the toughest for the doctors to tell us. It seems they have this well oiled way of skirting around that question. Is it a couple of months, a month, a week, or a day. So we wait. Tomorrow I have decided will only bring more questions...if he has surgery, will it help, will it kill him or will he become a vegatable? If he opts to have radiation instead of surgery, will it be worth it and is it safe with everything else going on to operate on a man who has diabetes and liver cancer. And there is NO guarantee....that is the only guarantee from the doctors. So what to do. Accept it...OF course and PRAY. Pray that he has peace about what is happening to him and Pray that his family has the strength to face this and be there for him any way we can.
That one is the toughest for the doctors to tell us. It seems they have this well oiled way of skirting around that question. Is it a couple of months, a month, a week, or a day. So we wait. Tomorrow I have decided will only bring more questions...if he has surgery, will it help, will it kill him or will he become a vegatable? If he opts to have radiation instead of surgery, will it be worth it and is it safe with everything else going on to operate on a man who has diabetes and liver cancer. And there is NO guarantee....that is the only guarantee from the doctors. So what to do. Accept it...OF course and PRAY. Pray that he has peace about what is happening to him and Pray that his family has the strength to face this and be there for him any way we can.
Monday, November 06, 2006
BRAVO AGAIN!
My report...I am cancer free. I still have to do a followup mammogram in 6 months so don't quit praying.
Side note: I finally got my favorite song to uploaded on here....I hope you enjoy it.
Side note: I finally got my favorite song to uploaded on here....I hope you enjoy it.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
BRAVO GOD!!!
I can't even begin to explain the weekend that I just had. This is going to be a long entry.
It was probably the most amazing thing spiritually that has happened to me since I was in jr. high church camp. I went on the Ladies' retreat for our church over in Sugarcreek Ohio this weekend and it was such wonderful experience. I have to admit that for me personally I was thinking...how fun can amish country be? When I signed up I worried that I had made a mistake and I was constantly telling people that I was going to get away from the kids for a weekend...not spiritual growth. While I did get a weekend away and I missed my kids, I found something so much more. Knowledge. Friendships. More Compassion. More of God and mostly and more importantly...I found more of me. We had an absolutely wonderful speaker, Kelli Reisen that had a contagious love for God that you saw and wanted to have, she had a contagious understanding and she stood in total amazement at the love and grace of God that made you want to search and learn more and want what she had. She discussed knowing what you believe so that you can pass it on to your kids. How appropriate considering my recent conversation with Sam, see last entry on blog. She said it is like running in a relay race not a marathon....passing on the baton from generation to generation. She used 1 Peter 3:15-16 to start out the weekend.
15 But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, 16 keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.
She continued that in order to know him you need understand His characteristics:
What struck me this weekend was her mentioning following God in the shadow of the cross. It got me thinking about the visual of that...if a cross is in direct sunlight (our struggles) the path becomes even more narrow but if we hold fast on the path it isn't long until the sun starts to set and the path once again becomes clearer. It is at the time where we can't see through the brightest sun that if we keep our eye on the cross it will keep us from losing tract of the path that God has for each of us. AND THINK OF THE REWARD! The reason for the title of this blog is she told us of a story of driving her car with her kids and noticing this beautiful tree and shouting out "BRAVO GOD!" If he can make what we have here on earth...heaven must be as awesome as he described in Revelations 21.
We not only had a great speaker but pure bonding with women...stepping out of our own comfort zone and letting other know us and letting them tell us about them. We stayed up talking and sharing experiences and making friendships and creating a strong group of women with the same purpose...to glorify God and share our beliefs with others about Christ.
On a personal note...I would like to thank each of the 48 women who prayed over me for healing and strength during this time of waiting to find out if my biopsy will show cancer or not. I shared with Sarah and a few of the women that I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes as Kelli spoke of her waiting to find out the same thing. She said that her kids had been riding in the car with her when she received a call from the doctor for an appointment to get the results and her son reached up and touched her hair and said, "Don't do the treatment...you will lose your beautiful hair" I realized for the first time that this could be a possibility for me. So as I sat there crying quietly, one of the ladies who knew what I was going through simply whispered to me..."are you Ok?" I didn't have to speak, my tears did the talking for me. It wasn't long that she asked that they all pray around me for healing and comfort. By this time I was over heating and felt like if all of these women huddle around me, I may pass out. As they began huddling around me and laying their hands on me and the praying began, I had this peace wash over me...and I was not hot anymore...in fact I felt almost instantly cold. It could have only meant one thing to me...God was hearing them as they prayed on my behalf. I have no doubt, that his plan for me will be carried out no matter what the results of the test tomorrow may be. Thank you again ladies for showing compassion and concern and being my prayer warriors when I couldn't say the prayer for myself.
And I didn't get to say it but thank you to the whole committee of women who put this together especially Ann Deckard (ha ha).
It was probably the most amazing thing spiritually that has happened to me since I was in jr. high church camp. I went on the Ladies' retreat for our church over in Sugarcreek Ohio this weekend and it was such wonderful experience. I have to admit that for me personally I was thinking...how fun can amish country be? When I signed up I worried that I had made a mistake and I was constantly telling people that I was going to get away from the kids for a weekend...not spiritual growth. While I did get a weekend away and I missed my kids, I found something so much more. Knowledge. Friendships. More Compassion. More of God and mostly and more importantly...I found more of me. We had an absolutely wonderful speaker, Kelli Reisen that had a contagious love for God that you saw and wanted to have, she had a contagious understanding and she stood in total amazement at the love and grace of God that made you want to search and learn more and want what she had. She discussed knowing what you believe so that you can pass it on to your kids. How appropriate considering my recent conversation with Sam, see last entry on blog. She said it is like running in a relay race not a marathon....passing on the baton from generation to generation. She used 1 Peter 3:15-16 to start out the weekend.
15 But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, 16 keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.
She continued that in order to know him you need understand His characteristics:
- God is Love (John 3:16)
- God is slow to anger, he is patient, forgiving and just (Exodus 34:5-7)
- God is without sin and is faithful to fulfill what He has promised (Numbers 23:19)
- God is compassionate and merciful (James 5:11)
- God is powerful (Exodus 15:3-8 and Revelations 19:11-15)
- God is our creator (Genesis 2:7)
- God is Jealous (Exodus 20:4-5)
- God is Sovereign (Isaiah 25:8)
- God is Rightous (Psalms 11:7)
- GOD IS HOLY (Leviticus 11:44a I am the Lord, your God; consecrate yourselves and be holy, because I am holy.)
What struck me this weekend was her mentioning following God in the shadow of the cross. It got me thinking about the visual of that...if a cross is in direct sunlight (our struggles) the path becomes even more narrow but if we hold fast on the path it isn't long until the sun starts to set and the path once again becomes clearer. It is at the time where we can't see through the brightest sun that if we keep our eye on the cross it will keep us from losing tract of the path that God has for each of us. AND THINK OF THE REWARD! The reason for the title of this blog is she told us of a story of driving her car with her kids and noticing this beautiful tree and shouting out "BRAVO GOD!" If he can make what we have here on earth...heaven must be as awesome as he described in Revelations 21.
We not only had a great speaker but pure bonding with women...stepping out of our own comfort zone and letting other know us and letting them tell us about them. We stayed up talking and sharing experiences and making friendships and creating a strong group of women with the same purpose...to glorify God and share our beliefs with others about Christ.
On a personal note...I would like to thank each of the 48 women who prayed over me for healing and strength during this time of waiting to find out if my biopsy will show cancer or not. I shared with Sarah and a few of the women that I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes as Kelli spoke of her waiting to find out the same thing. She said that her kids had been riding in the car with her when she received a call from the doctor for an appointment to get the results and her son reached up and touched her hair and said, "Don't do the treatment...you will lose your beautiful hair" I realized for the first time that this could be a possibility for me. So as I sat there crying quietly, one of the ladies who knew what I was going through simply whispered to me..."are you Ok?" I didn't have to speak, my tears did the talking for me. It wasn't long that she asked that they all pray around me for healing and comfort. By this time I was over heating and felt like if all of these women huddle around me, I may pass out. As they began huddling around me and laying their hands on me and the praying began, I had this peace wash over me...and I was not hot anymore...in fact I felt almost instantly cold. It could have only meant one thing to me...God was hearing them as they prayed on my behalf. I have no doubt, that his plan for me will be carried out no matter what the results of the test tomorrow may be. Thank you again ladies for showing compassion and concern and being my prayer warriors when I couldn't say the prayer for myself.
And I didn't get to say it but thank you to the whole committee of women who put this together especially Ann Deckard (ha ha).
Friday, November 03, 2006
I must be doing something right....
So tonight was interesting....
I was driving to Columbus tonight to have dinner with my mom (This experience I will save for another post), Samuel and I had a really good conversation. He was looking up in the sky and saw the moon and said, "That moon reminds me of great-great grammy" Now if you have read my other posts you will know that he has been greiving her death for 3 years TODAY...(yikes I just realized it is the anniversary of her death, which makes his statement even more shocking). I was taken back by his statement...but what he said next..."Mom, how do I know I will get to Heaven to see grammy?" Wow...what a question. I told him that he needed to ask God in his heart and that he needed to live a good life and go to church and I was rambling on and on...I said we need to continue listening and praising God through the songs that we were listening too...for instance I said..Evermore I will trust him...evermore I will love him....(part of the song at the time)...I heard him in the back seat quietly say "Dear God, evermore I will trust you, evermore I will love you" and then he said "Is that it?" I said you have to ask God to take away your sin and to come in your heart. So he added that to the end of his prayer and then said "Amen". WOW this kid amazes me. So then he asked a question that I have asked for 30 years..."How do I REALLY know that I am going to Heaven?" Explaining the other parts of this seemed so simple but when it comes to the faith part...I have a harder time. I think I did my best. So then he said..."You know...tomorrow I have Safety city again at school..." That innocent childhood faith, making it so simple and to the point and then moving on.
I thought that the conversation was over but on the way home he must have been thinking...he said....Mom...has Kaitlyn (his cousin) ever prayed that prayer to Jesus...will she be going to Heaven with me? Then he said "You know...if she does then she will get to Heaven before me because she is older" I had to laugh. The whole ride home was filled with singing...him telling me not to sing certain parts because they were the guys parts and that I was girl and I was to only sing the girls part. He did say that he was going to share his new found faith tomorrow at school with his teacher so I can't wait until parent-teacher conference next week so she can fill me in. Below is my sweet Samuel looking up to his God!
I was driving to Columbus tonight to have dinner with my mom (This experience I will save for another post), Samuel and I had a really good conversation. He was looking up in the sky and saw the moon and said, "That moon reminds me of great-great grammy" Now if you have read my other posts you will know that he has been greiving her death for 3 years TODAY...(yikes I just realized it is the anniversary of her death, which makes his statement even more shocking). I was taken back by his statement...but what he said next..."Mom, how do I know I will get to Heaven to see grammy?" Wow...what a question. I told him that he needed to ask God in his heart and that he needed to live a good life and go to church and I was rambling on and on...I said we need to continue listening and praising God through the songs that we were listening too...for instance I said..Evermore I will trust him...evermore I will love him....(part of the song at the time)...I heard him in the back seat quietly say "Dear God, evermore I will trust you, evermore I will love you" and then he said "Is that it?" I said you have to ask God to take away your sin and to come in your heart. So he added that to the end of his prayer and then said "Amen". WOW this kid amazes me. So then he asked a question that I have asked for 30 years..."How do I REALLY know that I am going to Heaven?" Explaining the other parts of this seemed so simple but when it comes to the faith part...I have a harder time. I think I did my best. So then he said..."You know...tomorrow I have Safety city again at school..." That innocent childhood faith, making it so simple and to the point and then moving on.
I thought that the conversation was over but on the way home he must have been thinking...he said....Mom...has Kaitlyn (his cousin) ever prayed that prayer to Jesus...will she be going to Heaven with me? Then he said "You know...if she does then she will get to Heaven before me because she is older" I had to laugh. The whole ride home was filled with singing...him telling me not to sing certain parts because they were the guys parts and that I was girl and I was to only sing the girls part. He did say that he was going to share his new found faith tomorrow at school with his teacher so I can't wait until parent-teacher conference next week so she can fill me in. Below is my sweet Samuel looking up to his God!
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