So my dad still has cancer. I was hoping that this morning I would wake up and it would be some kind of mistake. The fact is the CT scan came back and said he not only has brain cancer but he also has it in his liver. He was supposed to have a biopsy tomorrow but because of all of the aspirin and blood thinning medicine that they have given him in the hospital, they have to postpone it until next week. They did send him home yesterday because they really weren't doing anything for him in the hospital except feeding him and giving him his medicine. They said the cancer most likely started in his lungs which he already had taken care of, they removed part of his lung a couple of years ago but that it didn't show up until now for some reason. Who knows. I haven't gotten too emotional about the whole thought of this being super serious...I don't know why...maybe I am in denial...OK...I am in denial.
I am a lot like my brother, John, when it comes to my dad...we haven't spent a great bunch of time together not just his fault but mine. I just didn't get him and not sure I do yet. He is so different from all of us...the only thing we have in common is a sense of humor but his is harder than mine to decide whether he is being mean or funny. After the whole lung cancer thing he was a lot more interested in me and my kids and making sure that he was spending time with them. I think it was a bit of wake up call. He has told me in the last couple of days that he doesn't want to die because he has some unfinished business. I would like to think that it includes me. Everyone who knows me or members of my family have misinterupted my relationship with my dad, that I hate him. That is not even close to the truth. I just always felt that he wasn't there for us growing up like "I" would have liked. Maybe if I had not made it some much about the "I", "we" could have the relationship that he could give...whatever that is. I am making sure that I let him know that the problems we had in the past are just the past and that I want to be there for him now and that at the end of the day...he is still my dad and I am still his daughter.
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5 comments:
I understand completely your relationshipe with your dad...I have that same kinda relationship. I just have to take the 'I' out of it and appreciate the relationship 'we' share. Thanks for reminding me of what I do have with my dad.
And just for the record, Cancer sucks and brings up all kinds of emotions for me. I think it really is contagious...do you know anyone who has not be affected by cancer?? Whether directly or indirectly?? probably not.
such is life, but at least we have each other to lean on. :)
Well, I am so proud of each of you in the way you have been honest with your feelings and with the way you are handling this situation. I couldn't be any prouder. Character is born from the things we must go through, how you handle each one and what you become after the moment is gone. I know that the days ahead will continue to be filled with unexpected trips to the hospital, calls in the middle of the night with bad news but the flip side is there are more moments of fun, laughter, playing games on the computer with friends, sharing moments making ceramics, and watching the kids grow and do great things. What doesn't kill us makes us strong. I don't have a clue what that means and in someways it sounds dumb ooops don't let Sam read this I can hear him now "mop, you said dumb"
love ya
Just wanted to you to know I'm still thinking about you and praying for you and the whole fam..
Kim,
I just want you to know that I am praying for you all. I know that your dad knows what he has to do and I think he is really thinking about it. God is in control and we just have to trust in him during this tough time.
Love you,
Marsha
It seems like one of those times where I have no real words. I will be glad to see everyone and tyler can not wait.
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